Moral Imperatives

That New Car Smell

2006-05-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

I bought my 1994 Volvo 850 wagon in 2000 for $9,250. It had 87,000 miles and was in good condition. Six years later, it's time to buy again.

In one of today's featured articles on Boundless, Heather Koerner encourages us to examine our motives when we're tempted by that new car smell. Chances are, she explains, the old one we're currently driving is just fine. That's generally sound advice but there comes a time when an assesment of current and projected costs may mean that you are upside down in car repairs.

The phrase "upside down car" means that you owe in loans more than the car is worth. But what about when repair costs are close to or more than the car is worth? Is there a sweet spot in between repairing and driving an old car and buying a new or used one?

Well, for me, the sweet spot is right now.

If I were to repair everything that's mechanically broken with my 140k mile Volvo, total cost would be over $2,000 - and this on top of $1,500 in repair and maintenance over the last year and a half.

Volvo for life? Forget about it.

Marrying a Much Younger Woman

2006-05-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

A new study just released on men and sterility proves that women are not the only ones with a biological clock. Fertilization attempts in men ages 40 or older fail 70 percent more than men 30 or under.

Note the study's conclusion:

As an increasing number of couples choose to postpone childbearing, they should be informed that paternal age over 40 years is an important risk factor for failure to conceive.

This brings to mind a conversation I had with a friend who was in his mid thirties on the topic of marriage and family. I asked, "Don't you want to marry and have family?" He replied, "Yeah, someday. I'll just have to marry a much younger woman."

It appears that the marrying-a-much-younger-woman antidote to the consequences of delaying marriage will have to be replaced with another assumption.

(HT to Slate for pointing me to the study)

Desparately Seeking Folly

2006-05-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

The center piece of my home is the television. It wasn't my idea, it was the builder. I remember thinking after my initial walkthrough, How presumputious to put a gigantic, television shaped hole in the wall. I might prefer to hang a picture instead. And that's not all.

Every room in the house is prewired for maximum entertainment potential. I mean, what is my three year old going to do with his CAT5 cable? Nothing, that's what.

However, the real problem isn't a home that just begs for surround sound, it is a heart that seeks folly.

This month I'm reading through the Proverbs. A verse struck me, as verses do when the Lord is trying speak to one about a specific thing. And though I am certain Solomon didn't have in mind entertainment techonology when he wrote it, the application is unmistakable.

The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly. Proverbs 15:14

And with a quick assessment of how I spend my time, it was easy to see my overwhelming love for folly.

In Like to Watch, Joshua Harris challenges each of us to "test" the influence of media in our lives:

If necessary, let me urge you to consider changing the setup of your home so that entertainment technology, particularly television, is neither omni-present nor central. Let's not allow movie and television watching to become our default free-time activities. You may also wish to abstain periodically from different forms of media in order to test their influence on your life and increase your focus on God.

Save boarding up the gigantic, television shaped hole in my wall, there isn't much I can do about the setup of my home. However, there is plenty I can do to increase my love for knowlegde over folly.

The Eternal Umbilicus

2006-04-07T07:51:00.000-07:00

The Washington Post has a mildly interesting read on the difficulty college graduates have entering the real world of adulthood. Its an expose on anxiety without any real answers, or reasons for them. This is probably out of fear of offending, not wanting to appear judgemental or assess blame.

Fortunately, I don't have those fears. I blame the parents.

A couple of years ago, Psychology Today editor Hara Estroff Marano addressed these issues head on in her piece titled A Nation of Wimps. In summary, today's college graduates can't make decisions because they've been "overmonitored and oversheltered."

Perhaps it's today's playground, all-rubber-cushioned surface where kids used to skin their knees. And... wait a minute... those aren't little kids playing. Their mommies—and especially their daddies—are in there with them, coplaying or play-by-play coaching. Few take it half-easy on the perimeter benches, as parents used to do, letting the kids figure things out for themselves.

Then there are the sanitizing gels, with which over a third of parents now send their kids to school, according to a recent survey. Presumably, parents now worry that school bathrooms are not good enough for their children.

Behold the wholly sanitized childhood, without skinned knees or the occasional C in history. "Kids need to feel badly sometimes," says child psychologist David Elkind, professor at Tufts University. "We learn through experience and we learn through bad experiences. Through failure we learn how to cope."

Messing up, however, even in the playground, is wildly out of style. Although error and experimentation are the true mothers of success, parents are taking pains to remove failure from the equation.

"Life is planned out for us," says Elise Kramer, a Cornell University junior. "But we don't know what to want." As Elkind puts it, "Parents and schools are no longer geared toward child development, they're geared to academic achievement."

And technology has made matters worse:

It's bad enough that today's children are raised in a psychological hothouse where they are overmonitored and oversheltered. But that hothouse no longer has geographical or temporal boundaries. For that you can thank the cell phone. Even in college—or perhaps especially at college—students are typically in contact with their parents several times a day, reporting every flicker of experience. One long-distance call overheard on a recent cross-campus walk: "Hi, Mom. I just got an ice-cream cone; can you believe they put sprinkles on the bottom as well as on top?"

"Kids are constantly talking to parents," laments Cornell student Kramer, which makes them perpetually homesick. Of course, they're not telling the folks everything, notes Portmann. "They're not calling their parents to say, 'I really went wild last Friday at the frat house and now I might have chlamydia. Should I go to the student health center?'"

The perpetual access to parents infantilizes the young, keeping them in a permanent state of dependency. Whenever the slightest difficulty arises, "they're constantly referring to their parents for guidance," reports Kramer. They're not learning how to manage for themselves.

Think of the cell phone as the eternal umbilicus. One of the ways we grow up is by internalizing an image of Mom and Dad and the values and advice they imparted over the early years. Then, whenever we find ourselves faced with uncertainty or difficulty, we call on that internalized image. We become, in a way, all the wise adults we've had the privilege to know. "But cell phones keep kids from figuring out what to do," says Anderegg. "They've never internalized any images; all they've internalized is 'call Mom or Dad.'"

For another perspective on extended adolescence, check out this article from Josh Harris' little brothers, Alex and Brett, on Boundless. It appears that Alex and Brett were prepared well by their parents to enter adulthood without delay as evidenced in part by their success with their blog The Rebelution.

Whiny Conservatives Rule!

2006-03-21T09:40:00.000-08:00

Kudos to William Saletan of Slate.com for his blurb on a recent study from UC Berkley professor Jack Block suggesting that whiny, rigid kids grow up to be conservatives. Saletan sufficiently points out the absurdity of Block's study, as does the article he links to.

I don't care if Block's research has merit or not. At least conservatives allow their kids to "grow up." (In the sense that more liberals have abortions.) Given this Roe Effect, whiny, rigid conservatives will continue to rule the bright, free-thinking liberals for years to come.

Excessive Sports Fan

2006-03-17T13:15:00.000-08:00

Even though I quite enjoy the NCAA basketball tournament, March Madness to me means having to wait 6 more months till Clemson football begins. These months are known to many Clemson bretheren as the dead zone. We occupy this time on message boards like TigerNet discussing incoming freshmen and how the graduation of QB Charlie Whitehurst will impact the 2006 season.

Maybe, just maybe, this is the year Clemson football returns to national prominence.

Does all this seem excessive? Time will tell. I have found that the more time and energy I invest before the season begins, the more passionate I am about the outcome. The question is, are such passions wrong?

It's a legitimate question. Just ask my wife.

Last fall, she and my children suffered periods of anger and elation that sometimes lasted for hours. (Don't even get me started about the Clemson/Georgia Tech game.) However, to save myself and my family from this anguish, I will adopt Dr. Peter Ennis' "simple rule" for judging if I have gone too far with my excitement.

Loving Christ While Cheering for the Yankees

I have developed a simple rule for myself: When I have allowed the emotions of a contest, whether anger or elation, to occupy me for more than a few hours, I know I've gone too far. I know even a few hours can seem over the top for those who do not share this attraction to sports, but it is a pretty big step for some. Increasingly, it works for me.

And if that fails, I will seek help.

Thabiti Anyabwile recently preached a message at Capitol Hill Baptist Church in Washington DC encouraging us to "make it a discipline to ask our friends to tell us where our life appears excessive." In a list possible areas of excessiveness, he includes getting "too excited about football games." He ends with this point of application. "Let us sit down with one another and explore whether or not these (areas of excessiveness) are indications of inverted priorities where God is concerned."

Check back with me this fall and I'll let you know how my "inverted priority" is going.

Lesbian, Gays, and Adoption, Oh My!

2006-03-16T15:02:00.000-08:00

How would you respond if someone asked you if lesbians and gays should be allowed to adopt?

Inevitably, the question will be reduced to whether or not a child is better off being a ward of the state or with two loving adults who happen to be homosexual. Make no mistake, a compelling argument can be made to justify this practice that would be difficult to rebut relying solely on religious beliefs about homosexuality.

For practice, read Dahlia Lithwick's article on Slate.com titled Family Fuse: Why the rules about gay parenting are changing right under your nose. Ms. Lithwick makes some pretty bold claims that children raised by homosexual parents "fare no worse" than those raised in a traditional household.

And just as there are no data to support the claim that children raised by married gay parents fare worse than children raised by heterosexual parents, there are no data to suggest that foster care is preferable to gay parenting

Is this true? No data, Ms Lithwick? Really?

Let's set aside for a moment the semantics of this particular excerpt where she compares "married gay parents" with "heterosexual parents" and assume she is referring to traditional marriages between a man and a woman. And for this comparison, I submit to you the Family Research Council's Homosexual Parenting: Placing Children at Risk.

This white paper on homosexuals as parents takles the issue two ways. First by exposing the flawed methodology researchers and homosexual activists use to support their agenda. Then by carefully looking into their own "comparison of homosexual 'couples' and heterosexual spouses," exploring well respected data on:

Homosexual Promiscuity
Promiscuity among Homosexual Couples
Unhealthy Aspects of 'Monogamous' Homosexual Relationships
Rate of Intimate Partner Violence
High Incidence of Mental Health Problems among Homosexuals and Lesbians
Substance Abuse among Lesbians

The list literally goes on and on and is a must read. However, even with the startling data presented by the Family Research Council that should give any judge pause for placing a child with a homosexual couple, the fact remains that there are still hundreds of thousands of children languishing in the foster care system who need homes, Christian homes.

There are currently 119,000 children available for adoption and 588,000 in the foster care system in America. One social service agent estimates that only about a third of foster care families are self-described Christians. The sad truth is, if Christians in America were serious about the biblical mandate (James 1:27) to care for the orphan, then homosexual adoption would not be an issue.

Compare the total number of children who are adoptable and in the foster care system with the total number of evangelical and catholic households in America, approximately 688,000 to over 55,000,000 respectively. The question begs, why are there any adoptable children available and why are not all foster care temporary families evangelical or catholic.

So where does that leave us? Can we legitimately argue against homosexual adoptions? We can but not without substantial humiliation given the current shortage of Christian families who are willing to care for the orphan.

Church-enabled Singleness - Part 1

2006-03-14T11:36:00.000-08:00

Pew Internet and American Life Project just released a survey on the state of relationships in American. It reports that only 22% of singles ages 18-29 are actively looking for a romantic partner. The rest, I suppose, fall somewhere between "currently involved" and "satisfied with hooking-up."

The intentional delay of marriage has been the subject of growing media attention over the last few years and culimnated with last year's Time Magazine article about "twixters," adult aged kids who refuse to grow up. The data shows that in one generation's time, the number of single adults has doubled. Many sociologists assert that the shift is permanent and society should simply accept this new reality and adjust accordingly. Apparently, churches agree.

When the single segment began to grow within churches in the late '80s and early '90s, singles ministry "how to" books began to pop-up and to a fault began affirming the single lifestyle. In two such books, Starting a Single Adult Ministry and Single Adult Ministry: The Next Step, the main emphasis is to "recognize that the single lifestyle" is the appropriate option to being married.

"What's the problem?" you may ask. "We don't want to treat singles as second class citizens becaue they aren't married." No certainly, we do not. However, the problem with church-enabled singleness is that it ignores what Dr. Alber Mohler has characterized as "the societal wreckage" caused by prolonged singleness:

Years and years of sexual frustration, often leading to sexual sin (read What are you waiting for?)
Increased infertility as couples marry after their peak fertility years
Difficulty merging adult patterns of behavior within marriage that were established living much of their adult lives as individuals

Dr. Mohler exhorts young adults to think of marriage, not as something that's out there somewhere on the horizon, but as one of the nearest responsibilities they now face. After all, rarely does marriage just happen.

What is Manliness?

2006-03-10T08:38:00.000-08:00

What is manliness? Well, according to Harvard Professor Harvey Mansfield, it's evidenced by not doing housework.

Calling All Hombres

Take housework. Mr. Mansfield cites surveys that show that despite their now equal capacity to be hired for jobs outside the home, American women still do two-thirds of the housework. He argues that this is not simply a hangover from our former oppressive patriarchy. Rather, he writes, it is evidence of manliness. "Men look down on women's work . . . not because they think it is dirty or boring or insignificant, which is often true of men's work; they look down on it because it is women's work."

Hang on! I like doing housework. There's something theraputic about organizing my home and ridding it of dirt, grime, crumbs, and streaks. But most of all, I like the countenance on my wife's face when I not only pitch in but take over completely while she sits down to read after a long day with the kids. Does this make me "girly man"? No way baby!

That said, I want to applaud Professor Mansfield for provoking feminists for "more than a half-century at the university." Bravo.

A Broken Mind

2006-03-09T12:08:00.000-08:00

There are two great articles on Boundless Webzine today; one on depression and one answering a question about suicide. Not many people understand depression and suicide. I understand, if only a little.

For a period of 8 months, my mind was, as best as I can describe, clouded. The only peace I had was when I was asleep. Oh how I loved going to sleep. The problem was that, in a blink, it was over. Every morning despair would most assuredly return after only a few precious moments of waking clarity.

Suffering depression to the point where you look forward to going to sleep in order to escape a broken mind is frightening. It is exactly at that point when you begin to see the peace that death offers. However, understanding this and acting on it are two completely different levels of illness.

Thankfully, before I reached that level of illness, grace intervened. It started with two simple questions, "Does God want man to live like this? If not, where can I find peace of mind?" As many know, the answers to these questions can only be found in Jesus Christ.

The hope of Jesus Christ can be clearly seen on Boundless today.

God's End is the Process

2006-01-23T13:56:00.000-08:00

How do I find out what God wants me to do with my life?

It's a tough question and you can find a thoughtful answer here (or at least part one of a thoughtful answer.)

I think every Christian asks him or herself this question periodically. I know I do. This may sound strange but it usually begins by me comparing myself with someone -- someone more credentialed or more accomplished.

I used to work on Capitol Hill where it seems that everyone is more credentialed or accomplished. One evening (July 28th to be exact), after a particularly humbling day on the Hill, I began stressing over my "earning potential." I started thinking to myself, I should pursue more education, or a different job. I mean, surely God has something more for me than what I am doing right now. And then I found out, God does have something more for me -- Himself.

While settling down in my bed I picked up Oswald Chambers' devotion My Utmost for His Highest and turned to July 28th and read this --

"And straightway He constrained His disciples to get
into the ship, and to go to the other side. . . ." Mark 6:45-52

We are apt to imagine that if Jesus Christ constrains us, and we obey Him, He will lead us to great success. We must never put our dreams of success as God's purpose for us;
His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have an idea that God is leading us to a particular end, a desired goal; He is not. The question of getting to a particular end is a mere incident. What we call the process, God calls the end.

What is my dream of God's purpose? His purpose is that I depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God is not working towards a particular finish; His end is the process - that I see Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea. It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God.

God's training is for now, not presently. His purpose is for this minute, not for something in the future. We have nothing to do with the afterwards of obedience; we get wrong when we think of the afterwards. What men call training and preparation, God calls the end.

God's end is to enable me to see that He can walk on the chaos of my life just now. If we have a further end in view, we do not pay sufficient attention to the immediate present: if we realize that obedience is the end, then each moment as it comes is precious

Expected to Experiment

2006-01-23T09:09:00.000-08:00

I wonder how many of the estimated millions of heterosexual men who went to see Brokeback Mountain are now experiencing a 'sexual identity crisis'? I'll bet quite a few. I know this because I've experienced it myself. No, I haven't seen the movie but one doesn't need to, one needs only to know that homosexuality exists.

As a young boy of 12 or 13, I first learned the meaning of homosexuality from the school yard. I remember being instantly confused and questioning every emotion I had for my own male friends. And in the months that followed, I paid careful attention to the feelings I had when I was around them. To be sure, my own growing attraction to girls provided some relief from the crisis but it didn't eliminate my fear altogether.

All this from simply learning that men, some men have sex with other men. Just imagine the harm that can come from a mainstream movie like Brokeback Mountain.

Last month, Dr. Albert Mohler in his own commentary "Sexual Confusion and the End of Friendship" wrote this about Anthony Esolen's article in Touchstone magazine, "A Requiem for Friendship: Why Boys Will Not Be Boys and Other Consequences of the Sexual Revolution,"

In a truly haunting section of his essay, Esolen asked us to imagine a society in which the taboo against incest has been removed. Under such circumstances, no uncle would be free to hug his young niece without an accusation of sexual interest. Relationships between parents and children, brothers and sisters, and relatives of all varieties would be corrupted and undermined by the imposition of sexual suspicion.

As Esolen understands, this is exactly what is happening as homosexuality is normalized in the culture. Normal, non-sexual, fraternal friendships among men now come under suspicion. This is especially true for teenage boys and young men, who are less secure about their manhood and more concerned about their own--and their peers'--sexual
identity.

The normalization of homosexuality destroys the natural order of friendships among men. "Think about that friendship, the next time you see the perpetual adolescents and feather boas as they march down Main Street, making their sexual proclivities known to everybody whether everybody cares or not," Esolen instructs. "With every chanted slogan and every blaring sign, they crowd out the words of friendship, they appropriate the healthy gestures of love between man and man. Confess--has it not left you uneasy even to read the words of that last sentence?"

Earlier in his commentary, Dr. Mohler wrote that boys need an "uncomplicated heterosexual expectation." Such an expectation would do wonders for boys who now have to contend with a society that expects them not only to question their sexuality but to experiment as well.

Peggy Noonan

2006-01-20T09:15:00.000-08:00

What would we do without Peggy Noonan?

Republicans in Washington struggle with scandal and speak of reform, and reformation. They would better think of words like regain, refresh, rebuild. If they don't, if Republicans don't choose to lead well, and seriously, and with principle, they should ask themselves: Who will? Seriously: Who will? I recall the anxious days after each 2004 Presidential Debate and so looking forward to the soothing words from Peggy Noonan. Utlimately, her political discernment was proven right in the face of polls that showed otherwise. I think the Republicans would do well to listen.

What are you waiting for?

2006-01-20T07:53:00.000-08:00

When I was 29, I arranged a meeting with then US Senate Chaplain Dr. Lloyd Ogilvie seeking relationship advice. My girlfriend and I had been dating six months and we were crossing physical intimacy boundaries. I met with Dr. Ogilvie expecting some tips and techniques about boundaries. What I got instead after I confessed our struggles was this:

"How long have you and Beth been dating?"

"Six months."

"Son, that's plenty long enough for you to know whether or not you want to marry her. You need to fish or cut bait."

Until that point, marriage had not even entered my mind. Now, years later, I can think of multiple reasons why but I think mainly it was because I enjoyed the benefits of marriage without marriage. In my dating relationship, I experienced companionship, support, and emotional and physical intimacy.

After my meeting with Dr. Ogilvie, I broke up with Beth and began thinking more intently about marriage. I also asked my pastor and friends about the things I should consider when deciding who to marry. One month later, I asked Beth out for dinner so that I could propose to her later that evening. She said yes.

A happy ending to be sure but not without regrets. We will both tell you that we still suffer the consequences of our sexual sin. Oh how I wish we would have articles of instruction like these before we began our relationship:

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001196.cfm

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001193.cfm

Uncle! Uncle!

2006-01-19T14:13:00.000-08:00

After a year long hiatus, Osama Bin Laden threatened attacks against America today. Who knows, he may well be capable of pulling off another act of terrorism but I remember calling for a truce as a child whenever my older brother had me a headlock. "Truce! Truce!" I would scream.

Maybe the recent missile strike in Pakistan that killed his best bomb maker hit a little too close to home. Or maybe he's just tired of sleeping in a hole in the ground, drinking cave water, and eating various sorts of rodents and snakes.

Whatever it is, rarely does anyone mention truce from a position of strength.

My brother would always require something more than a truce if the headlock was a consequence of my own doing -- he would require complete surrender.

Kudos for the White House response.